Trust: Positive Risk and How to trust

Trust like respect is to trust I didn't understand that growing up. I thought you always dive into situations head first, having the one with all the trust, desperate to win people over. This morning i sat in front of my sister mourning a past version of myself. The girl who two years ago would have done anything, and everything to please others, a girl who trusted blindly, and let people in, with such ease. In the past two/3 years a lot of crap has happened. Things that in life has you holding your hands out saying what the hell did i do? It doesn't make sense things came out this way. It's like wanting to dye your hair brown, and it coming out neon green/ purple. You read the directions over and over again. You scan each line methodically and at the end you scream, "what the hell this doesn't make sense?" "How did this happen?" Yet no matter how we look at it sometimes life just wont make sense. You say "I did a+b+c it's supposed to equal blah blah blah." Life just won't make sense everytime. That's why 'when bad things happen to good people' was written.I realise that i've become that girl giving an inch,observing, figuring out if someone deserves to be let in. Wanting to let someone get close yet due to stubborn principles, being frustrated about letting them in. Life puts you through the grindstone. It's like an obstacle course, and in obstacle courses layers of skin will be bruised, penetrated, left bleeding, with open sores, scars, and visible mistakes. If you are left with any iota of faith, principles, trust, confidence, you should pat yourself on the bat.

I realised that one of my key foundations, trust, has been shaken. Only trust is not simply a founding, it is a comprise of many different layers. Layers that have been ripped, bruised, battered and are taking time to heal. But it's taught me something valuable. People do have to earn my trust, as well as my respect. We are worth such efforts. The aim is not to villainise people, but to allow for a change, those who truly love us and truly care, to show they are worthy of taking a positive risk. We learn how to trust not by assumptions, but a series of visual risk. Actions that show that individual is willing to do rather than say. Behaviours that show an individual is supportive rather than poisonous. People will make mistakes because we are human i guess, but we have to decide wether those mistakes can be forgiven, based upon character.


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