How to Understand jealousy and work towards healing
We were fine throughout the conversation, and then it appeared. The flash of a sadness in the eye. A quickly sinking posture as a smile trembled and shook like an Earth quake.He had achieved something. Something i knew he deserved. Yet i couldn't help that snake of envy weaving it's way forward. I was sad for the things i hadn't accomplished, dreams i hadn't achieved, and failed attempts that throbbed even when they were forgotten.At the core i was happy for him, yet felt sorry for myself. Yet i'm proud that i still managed to keep smiling, and although it was a dramatic, highly exaggerated attempt at support, i'm proud that i could be strong enough to show it. Jealousy affects different people in different ways, some become nasty and vindictive, some become scared and isolate you, some simply have the class to admit they are coming from a place of envy, and their life is not the charade they've put on display. I've been jealous before, and experienced the cruelty of jealousy.
It always comes from a place of fear, lacking and an inner feeling of being abandoned. Being left behind. No matter how many books you read, articles you chow down on, church seminars we drill into our lives. Jealousy is part of the human experience. It's an emotion you can't always control, but out of respect for yourself, your principles, Karma, and the people you love...challenge it's negtive energy by focussing on something positive. Find a way to simply be content. A lot of jealousy is about insecurity. The reality is there will always be someone whose better looking than us, more intelligent, more successful, more popular. Yet we can always learn from them. We can learn not to be so hard on ourselves, not to mould our lives to our own visuals of perfection. There is nothing perfect under the sun, eveything can be adjusted. Many seeds can be sewn and grown.
Not everything makes sense,it's not always going to be easy, but it's our journey and we have to do it our way. By countering negative scared energy, with positive, focussed, and driven energy. If you have to say it to them face to face, write it in a letter, tape record yourself expressing your emotions, say it with honesty of heart. This isn't about you, it's about me, i'm not where i would like myself to be. I'm not who i would like to be right now, i feel like everybody's passing me by, i'm not as happy as i would like too.This isn't about you. Then in the kindest voice, speak to yourself as though you were a best friend, someone that loves you, and understands your vulnerabilities.
Tell yourself the truth, you may feel left out now, it may sport, and hurt and throb, but keep busy, stay focussed. Time reveals itself and turns caterpillars into beautiful butterflies. Yet your life is not a showpiece for everyone else, it's a journey for yourself. Which will involve, many wrong turns, mistakes, errors in judgement, because simply put...your only human.