You didn't fail, I told myself over and over again. It was a race, this life and I needed to finish first. I wanted to provoke that I could do the impossible, I wanted to prove I could change my own destiny. Therefore I fought with tooth and nail, climbing deeper into an abyss of thoughts that would soon consume me, it was real, and it was important to me that I keep moving forward, that I keep steering forth and nothing or no one could stop me or get in my way. I glared hatred at the tiny grains of golden sand as I shuffled my feet to the left and awkwardly to the right, tossing the sand in the air until it blinded me . Today I'd picked a fresh cotton white t-shirt, some brown shorts, timberlands and hoop earrings, I wanted to be so much more than what I was. Believe so much in who I am.this hunger this vision shaped me, I identified with its need castrate me from all simple things, for I was a complex individual. I'm a teenager now, I told myself , with hips that swing, and curves that welcome men ing to dance with my groove. I am the music in their ears, I am the soft calls music they jive too, yet I am greedy with a want to win.