Dealing with the mother in law from Hell
The question is how much do you want to win,if winning is important to you,prepare to loose the love of your life or your potential partner. If you are dealing with a manipulative mother from hell do not make the mistakes I have and allow her to sink you to her toxic claustrophobia. You are on trial, you will constantly have to defend and support your independant route. Why you want to go on a holiday Monday rather than Tuesday, why the kids carry a rucksack rather than a sling shoulder bag, and why there's rarely any yogurt in the fridge. Despite all the kids hating yogurt and the local fruit store selling rotten contaminated vegetables. It is not you it is the control. She's not used to playing sub, and although like most mothers she yearned for the day she wouldnt have to fuss over her kids. Despite that being what she ranted and moaned about over the years, in true human form the time has come and she' s probably very anxious. If she is a mature woman she will express this reasonably and in a comfortable energy, where you guys can get to know one another. She will explain her vulnerabilities and you'll explain yours, making a point to share that you respect what she's done with her son so far, you would love to learn things from her be it recipes, life tips, and she is a welcome member of your family. If she is an angry battle ax, I repeat do not fight her, embrace her in a positive loving light. When we are scared of loosing things we love, terrified of being replaced and forgotten we fight. We fight for the journey, memories and time we spent. We fight because suddenly I imagine some women feel their being shoved out of their comfort zone by someone we didn't see coming.
Whatever you do, dont let your husband or partner lurk in the shadows redundant. He must speak up for you and encourage boundaries of respect between you and his mother. You must respect her, and she must respect you. Some mothers coupled with fear, lies the need to protect their son. Yet you also have something to respect, your self esteem. If you consistently feel put down, ridiculed, humiliated, degraded. Not once, but often. If there are comments made before your very eyes that have you wincing and make eyes roll, it's simple really, what does your partner say to contest these biting remarks. If the answer is nothing, then the problem is not his mother, the problem is him. Has he said things to taint her opinion? Has there been arguments that he's discussed with her, if so there you have it. Yet no matter what, arguments aside, your companion, amigo, padre, someone who knows you intimately should be willing to speak up in your defense, otherwise you are fighting a loosing battle. Being on the team of someone who won't stand up and be counted, doesn't warrant much growth. Of course you are nobody's saviour,yet you are a woman worthy enough to be communicated to with respect.