When the guy you thought you liked, is completely gutless







He knew what was going on, his mother knew what was going on. All it took were a few people to ridicule, insult and belittle me, and that was it for him. The same guy that kept parking in front of my house, loitering outside waiting for me to come home, slowing his car down to a crawl had suddenly disappeared off the face of the planet. I knew exactly what was going on. He was avoiding me because he was utterly and painfully gutless, a campaign for coward. Usually when i leave my house, he conveniently steps out of his, pretending to be fixing something, or taking something out. What a wakeup call, originally, i'd just shake my head when i saw him because in my spirit i'd thought to myself how can you let other people tell you who to talk to at the age of 30 something years old, that's weak.Our family had fallen out with his mother, the way most people in the neighbourhood had fallen out with his mother. One day randomly this passive aggressive, vindictive, manipulative woman with a jealous agenda, would suddenly write a letter of complaint. Rather than simply telling you what the problem is, she'll wait till she goes into her house, finds people she's familiar with and spread malicious gossip. That is her brand of behaviour. She never tells you what's wrong, or what you've done to offend her, what she does is suddenly become very competitive, unhealthily so.At first i was convinced it was all my imagination, i didn't say anything for months, as though i were harbouring a secret. I wondered wether i was reading too deep into things. Yet with time i began to sense that he really wanted to speak to me. When i'd first moved to my area, i'd given him my number and he'd called me on the phone.




I had other neighbours and none of them parked in front of my house like he did, i noticed there was always a world of space in front of his house when he was parking in front of my home.Yeah we were next door neighbours but parking in front of my house was a choice. My ex boyfriend used to park in front of my house everytime we had an argument because he wanted to get my attention. He was too nervous at the time to speak to me,so he'd park in front of my house with whatever vehicle he was driving this time. With this guy I'd think why are you parking in front of my house, instead of yours. I noticed he was shy, and found it hard making eye contact. I knew despite being banned from communicating with my family members, he'd approached my sister and nervously told her about moving up in the work environment, and a daughter on the way. I knew i wasn't imagining this because my sister who is class a at people observations, had told me that when she brought up my name, there's a softness in his eyes. Like the look you get when you have a crush on someone. I'm always the first to say a guy doesn't like me, or doesn't find me appealing, yet every woman knows this, that gut instinct you have, that sixth sense when you question is this my imagination, or could this person find me attractive.

It was a simple apology that brought his true character to light. Not being someone that celebrates valentines day, most of the time i have no idea when it is. I'd seen him a few weeks back, my hair had been a state, and my clothes a disaster. It's one of those times when you pray you don't see anyone. I'd seen him coming, and like you do, when you might begin to like someone. You become self conscious. I said "Oh shit," and ran for dear life. Also his mum had pissed me off a few days before. I came back out and he was still standing in front of his house. He hadn't gone in yet, and i'd put on my hat to cover my hideous hair. He looked hurt, as if he felt as though maybe i'd snobbed him. He looked hurt and furious. I didn't see him for weeks, and was riddled with guilt. I may not have been able to stand his mother, and his family members, but he'd always seemed like the nicest guy of the lot. I finally braved it not knowing it was valentines day. I hadn't seen his car around, so i put the apology on his sisters car, not knowing that he had changed cars.


I'd written and re written that apology at least ten times. I wanted him to know that i was sincere, and i was sorry he'd felt bad. I wanted to make him feel respected as he has a soft tone to his voice, and people often mistake that for unintelligence. My apology was ridiculed and so was i. I could hear his mother cackling vindictively, and the laughter carried into my room. I haven't seen him since then...i wonder why. If i did i'd be too disgusted to look at him. He knows that my family are not bad people, we've been nothing but polite and gracious to him in particular, yet he never speaks up, he never said anything. I know why his mother did what she did. The more ridiculous she made me look and sound, the more ashamed he would be of having an attraction to me around his brother and sister. I got the feeling she felt betrayed by the fact he found me attractive....clearly not attractive enough to defend. I don't know wether he said anything nasty as well, maybe to fit in, maybe just to be cruel, but everything i thought about him being a coward and gutless was spot on. It took a lot of humility to write that apology, especially to a woman who is a hypocrite and has no morals. I stayed at my sisters for a while because now i felt ashamed. How could i have liked someone that weak, that emotionally immatured. What was i thinking?

When i returned home his mother was in her garden and i thought heeeeell no. I marched right downstairs,and i called her exactly what i thought of her...JEALOUS.I was furious, i said loudly to her, "if you have anything to say about me and my family, then you say that to me. Because i wanna hear it." As is usually the case with a bully like her she went back into her house. That's not the first time i've confronted her about her dispicable behaviour. The last time i became so furious "i told her to act her flipping age." She was surprised when she saw me pacing in front of her house, but she knew her nasty behaviour wouldn't be tolerated. This woman has snobbed other peoples families, there's an elderly woman who has to visit solicitors regularly because this one woman has been trying to make herself look good by saying she'll have some of the neighbours thrown out. I've heard when people try and apologise to her, or confront her and ask her if they can resolve the issue she has, she wont come out to speak to them even if their really calm. She looks miserable most days, yet i've noticed nothing makes her feel happier than the sadness of other people she's a real piece of work. She seems to crave attention. For example most people having a private conversation would talk quietly on their mobile phones, not this woman. Unlike anybody in our neighbourhood, or anybody i've seen, she puts her phone on the loudest speaker so it's practically a microphone and talks either in her garden or in the front of her house so everybody can hear her conversations. It's utterly strange, it's as though she craves attention.


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