Question Hotspot: How do you get over a guy that was once a friend, but never progressed to anything more?
This is literally a rite of passage. heartbreakEvery woman goes through this or something similar, you are not alone. The best way to get over a guy friend/ potential boyfriend, is cut off the ideal of them being a potential.If he liked you enough, he would have taken action. It's got nothing to do with how pretty or attractive you are as a woman. Think about it, if a guy was dating you just for your looks, the pair of you would be in the most miserable relationship EVER..You'd feel violated, and he'd feel bored. Often times, women who can be quite insecure,confidence get attached to the 'here in the meantime guy' basically the one that's giving them the attention she needs, but ultimately emotionally craves. This guy may have all the particulars, good looking, smart, kind, or bad boy, social renegade, rugged loner type...'i'm just being creative here.'If he doesn''t have those feelings, there are over a million guys out there who will. The trick is to do everything you would do if you were in an actual relationship and had just broken up.
My breakup routine is to train regularly as often as possible, then sabotage that by going to the cinema on my own, watching my favourite movie and stuffing my face with pop corn and ice cream. Then comes the 'Dear you' letter, where i specifically write a letter to that individual as though they were standing in front of me, more exercise, especially the abs, then call my girlfriends meet up, socialise and network with new people, and finally go back and focus intensely on a project or just building strands to an idea i was working on. I pick out some core self healing books, read other peoples experience of this situation online, and cook my socks off. Cooking isn't for everyone.So do something you like that distracts you. Reading is an incredible weapon for both enlightenment and healing, so that's what i do.Gorge on books.Ironically enough my favourite book to read whilst experiencing a breakup is 'he's just not that into you', warped right?
But it helps with moving on and ending the procrastination. Simply put, you have to go back to feeling attractive, and confident within your skin, to let your positive energy magnetize and attract the right people to you.There's nothing worse than a scenario where all the signs are there, and it just never became anything, or was to fragile to become anything. There's not just someone out there for you, there's loads of people out there for you, but distracting yourself with the wrong partner, or even someone that's long moved on creates an emotional, spiritual and psychological barrier. Another mistake made is comparing yourself to a partner your 'desired' love or was attracted to, or measuring your worth in the region of numbers. "Well his friends say i'm a five, but she's a ten," honey his friends don't have the power to say anything. Or maybe you as an individual begin comparing yourself to every good looking woman on the street,in a magazine, on a tv show in an advert.
STOP! You are your own unique self.
There is no one on Earth exactly like you, if someone misses out on you, there's not just missing out on a face, a body, a walk, a talk, you are your own special brand. They are missing out on the experience of you.
When we let people in, we open outselves up to adventures, lessons to be learned, knowledge, new friendships, an experience of love. There are 24 hours in a day, sometimes we get stuck obsessing over the same things, because were taking mental gaps to daydream. What could we have done? What could we have said, who could we have been? How could we have satisfied their needs, their wants and desires? How could we have made them happy enough to stay, to take on the relationship? Then we go unto phase two.
What would it look like if we did get them to take on the relationship? Some even go as far as considering what their kids together would look like. Bad idea. It is what it is, accept it as what it is. But ask yourself key questions what is making you hold on in the first place? The reason we hold unto things even things that are bad for us, is we feel we are getting gratification somehow. Where is the gratification coming from? What about holding on to this situation makes you feel good? Is it having a topic of discussion with friends, feeling as if at one point there was somebody, could be somebody? This person was not the somebody for you. See it as a sales and purchase experience. You did the whole sale, marketed the product,added all the humour, charisma, and trimmings there was, yet the customer just wasn't interested.Yet there are other clients everywhere. As sales people your trained to accept, there are a multitude of reasons why that is, but know it's not to be taken personally. It's about them, not you. In this instance you get to the door handle before they do, close the door and say 'thankyou. Thankyou very much.'
It'syour time now to build your confidence and celebrate yourself. You want to build up the emotional strength to joyfully experience a romantic relationship and enhance other friendships, otherwise it will be like a matchstick car going into a demolition derby thinking it wont get crushed.