The emotional escape artist: emotionally unavailable men and why they refuse to commit
Someone thinks they've got forever right? After all your acting like you've got forever to chase them. Been there ladies, done that. The emotional escape artists agenda is to stall you. Whilst you know exactly what you want, are completely emotionally committed. The emotional escape artist is a man or a woman who pretends as if they are confused, they don't know what they want. All these bad things have happened to them, their not sure whether this is the right time, the right situation, their finances are all wrong, it could upset their family,they've got children to think of, their just recovering from a breakup. So many delicious plausible explanations.Yet they have no problem with absorbing all your attention, being intimate, taking money off you,living with you, or if your exceptionally good looking and in a nice social standing, they have no problem trophying you. Basically showing you off to friends and family in order to prove that they are not alone, and they can attract reasonable partners. Wether it's marriage, a boyfriend girlfriend scenario or simply moving in together, you are allowed to ask where this is going in order to gain perspective. Often people enthralled in a love spiderweb with an emotional escape artist, let good partners pass them by, people who are more than eager to commit,and take your relationship, friendship or partnership to the next level.We often entertain emotional escape artist, or the emotionally unavailable man or women because of a deep fear of rejection,and just the hope that we are not being lead along. Sometimes we seek comfort, are fed up with lonely nights, want to have someone to share with friends, create our own postcard moments, and the hope of something more drives us to settle. Sometimes comfortably, other times outside the bracket.
The frustration with emotionally unavailable people is they leave us in a constant state of suspension, whilst choosing to be blissfully unaware of the conflicts and turmoil we experience within. Being in a situation with an emotionally unavailable person is like walking into a room seeing nothing but chairs yet when you attempt to sit down, you fall flat on your bum.It is like constantly flying, then when your ready to lay down your feet, there's no pavement there. Originally dizzy with the excitement, a new nervousness appears, a new fear and anxiety replaces the freedom. Do they not love you enough? Are they waiting for someone better to come along, do they even like you? Space is always the answer.
It helps to give emotionally unavailable people the space to come to their own realisations. Not bully them? Or hound them consistently? Just make it clear to them they are not the only option under the sun, and you have your own life, although they are part of your world, it doesn't revolve around them. Yes indeed. Some people lay down ultimatums.
Emotional escape artist are smarter than this. Because ultimately they don't want to be alone, they may falsely agree to your request, bide their time until you soon discover they seem to be more distant than ever.For some an ultimatum is another form of emotional blackmail.Some people actually resent you for having the audacity to put your foot down. After all this pattern, and this behaviour didn't just appear out of the blue. They were consistently allowed to disapoint you, because there were signs you saw but chose to ignore. Some will argue profusely "i just need space, i just need time," you may even be manipulated into believing your a nag, spoiling the atmosphere, taking the fun right out of it.
Yet if they need 'more time'and are 'just not sure what they want,' you can socialise too. You can make more friends, both of your gender and the opposite sex. Hang out with new people and experience more things. With time people reveal themselves. You may see your emotionally unavailable friend turn around 360 and decide you are indeed the chosen one, but be alert.
If they are reacting out of jealousy. Jealousy doesn't last for long and people soon return to their normal behavioural patterns. If you sense a natural change. A deeper understanding and a natural flow. You feel the person 'genuinely gravitating towards you', wanting to spend more intimate time with you rather than replacing you for time with someone else, being more real, almost more raw with their emotions,and this isn't just over a two week period, this is over time. Then it is score.
Partners often tweak their behaviour when they realise they are not the epicentre of your universe. You have friends, hobbies, humour even.
Your aim is not to create one identity or sacrifice individualism your focus is to share.If there is no change then you have a choice to make. You are in a situation where you are discontent. You are in a situation where you are being stalled, and there is no future....which you want desperately. No one on Earth lives forever, hopin' aint coping.Will you continue to begdate,or will you admit to yourself, it's not shameful to want what you want. 'Where there is no vision the people will perish' it's not a crime to think of a tomorrow. It's not a crime to want a healthy relationship.It's not a crime to love someone.